we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize