The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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