i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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