it wasn't lemon gatorade
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
