is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
