my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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