I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
