I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
