I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize