You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
