The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Randomize
