Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
