Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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