you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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