Well douche your snatch and let's go!
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
