Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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