Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
