Don't you send me to vm
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
