i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
