Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
