yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
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