Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
COCAINE IS GR8
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
