You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
