i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize