eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
be right there i have to get my cape
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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