The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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