Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize