I CAN MOONWALK!
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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