we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
