never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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