So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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