If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
