Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize