Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
