I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
