i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
