he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
