dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
