what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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