Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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