Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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