Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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