I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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