I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
