i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
