So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
