I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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