Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
