I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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