dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
