God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
