Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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