And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
