Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
