It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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