In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
