New invention idea: vibrating tampons
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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