tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
