Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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