she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
