After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
