You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
