ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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