yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
