I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
