Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
