Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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