ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
