Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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