Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
