Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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