Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
