Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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